Just as Valid

Given the recent hubbub over the Zodiac getting a shot of realism, of course, it was ripe for parody from the Onion. Let's take a look at mine.

Libra Sept 23 - Oct 23
Wait, if an existing constellation has that great an effect on one's destiny, then why didn't anyone make a fuss about Eris, Sedna, and Quaoar, the planet-sized objects in the Kuiper belt?

Good question. Oh but wait.... that's my old sign. Fortunately, taking a look at Sagittarius' forecast tells me how I should deal with change:

Just keep repeating: No matter what, you are still a Sagittarius. You are still a Sagittarius. You are still a Sagittarius.

These are about as accurate as any "real" horoscope, but infinitely more intelligent.